Why am I starting a blog?
These were my initial thoughts:
1- To share my love of food with people
2 – To create and use my untapped creative or kundalini energy
3 – To share my experiences with food or more of my roller coaster relationship with food.
4 – To make a difference in the way we view food and what it actually means for us. “We are what we eat” — it could not get much more real than this.
So I think I will start with #1. I LOVE food. I love to cook, eat, smell, look at and touch food. Did I mention how I love to eat food? I love all food. And that is why I want to share recipes, ideas, pictures and general information about food. I think as a collective, we can all agree that food plays a major role in our life. Maybe a little too much! In the last year or so I have found a new love affair with food that actually involves preparing and cooking food! Lots of food! I grew up eating my mom and dad’s delicious meals. Then I moved to college and was fortunate enough to have a boyfriend (Italian by the way, pasta, bread, meat and more pasta..yum) and roommate (also Italian, more pasta and bread and pesto, yum) that made delicious food. Lots of it too! To say I got off easy with cooking would be an understatement! It was not until I moved home from college in 2010, that I actually started cooking meals often for myself.
Cooking is an art for me. An expression of how I am feeling and the way that I enjoy creating most. Each dish is a masterpiece made with love, energy, patience and acceptance of how it turns out! It was not until recently when reading that I realized my form of creativity lies in food creation! This blog will be another layer of expression with food and I am very grateful I have a new platform to work with!
I believe there are a lot of people that have experienced highs and lows with food. If you haven’t, you’re lucky. Congratulations, you escaped the most complex relationship I’ve ever had with anyone or anything! Most of my teenage years and early twenties I over-ate, binged ate, indulged majorly in the munchies, justified excessive meals and had an overall lack of awareness and concern for what I put into my body. Did I mention guilt? Right, because being alive each day isn’t a gift enough! No, back then I focused on defeating things like comparing myself to other women, the size of my pants, when was the last time I ate carbs, did my face look bigger, why did I eat so much the night before and the thoughts go on and on and on and on!
My first healthy shift was in 2008 when my Italian boyfriend, David, moved to Tallahassee and moved in with four women. Bless his soul! On any given day he was vegetarian, vegan with a carnivorous twist! Each meal was prepared with love, excitement, enthusiasm and more love! The taste was unreal. In fact, I think we ate vegan chili twice a week every week, for months, with veganaise and blue corn chips on top. Yum. Towards the end of 2011, after we decided we were best suited as friends, my diet changed drastically along with my life. I no longer longed for wholesome, plant based food but instead craved “gut boxes” – yes gut boxes. They comprised of fried chicken, french fries, a large drink and the infamous gut sauce. Mr. Roboto and .25$ wing night made up my most of dinners in a week! While it is fun to eat this way sometimes, the feelings behind the food were not enthusiasm and satisfaction but more guilt, harshness in my inner dialog and justification. My roommate Lauren, has and had a very healthy “normal” relationship with food. She enjoyed each bite, ate slowly and was happy with everything she put into her mouth. She never ate as a result of emotional issues and really helped me and inspired me to feel good about my decisions. It is because of David and Lauren I really think my long standing thoughts about food started to unravel at the seam.
After gaining a nice amount of UNHEALTHY weight (because there is a difference e.g. carrying a beautiful baby vs. 600 + calories because of the munchies) my senior year, I moved back to Tampa a little overweight, very unhealthy physically and emotionally. I could not comfortably run long distance (like I used to convince myself was a good idea — all in the name of weight loss right? Gag.) I could not hold myself up in down dog. My once toned arms were rather sad. But I was sad so of course they were too! I started to practice Bikram yoga four times a week at a local studio. While my physical body made changes, my emotional health was still unstable. And food was one of the major culprits. Food was my reason to be happy with the day I had or unsatisfied with the decisions I made about it. As time went on, I ate “better” food for me but still restricted and over- ate to compensate for some rather pressing emotional issues.
And then it happened! I met an amazing half angel/ half man named Sean from England with perfect red hair and a perfect red beard to match. He also has perfect blue eyes and a perfect Northern English accent. He also looks like Caleb from Kings of Leon. Handsome to say the least and I absolutely fell in love with him! 4 months later I was on a plane to Thailand to start an adventure around the world with him! We ate local, cultural food and felt good! Imagine having pad thai with a spring roll from a local street vendor..umm yum. All for .50$! Boom. The cuisine in Asia was exciting and fresh and new and with all my new experiences came a new attitude about my relationship with food. Sean also gave me the space to let this old, old habit slowly fade and allow a new outlook to set it. There’s an awesome quote that really applies to this whole idea: “You must learn a new way to THINK before you can master a new way to be.” This feeling continued as we traveled through Cambodia and Taiwan. It was in Australia that I realized I have been thinking about this whole food thing wrong for a long time! Food is meant to be enjoyed and savored and loved and appreciated and eaten! Not resented! And not the source of disgust within myself! No, no, no! Another half angel/ half human named Anna really helped me with this as well. She was also on a journey with food and seemed like our paths had crossed for a number of reasons but one was to enjoy food together, cook food together and process our thoughts about food together so we could create new healthy thoughts! How beautiful to have so many sources of inspiration in my life.
And now here I am in Taiwan writing this blog. The biggest difference? A new love and appreciation for food. Food as my energy source that fuels this lovely body of mine. Food as an inspiration in my life and as a way to feel good, like really good. Food as a way to share experiences with people. And now I understand that food is not the enemy but one of the greatest gifts in my life. Each bite I take is with a deep gratitude for the fact that I have more options for food in one day (3 meals and some ridiculously scrumptious snacks) than what some people have for their one meal a day. Gratitude for the vegetables and fruit for existing! They are living things too! Gratitude that my meals are shared with amazing people and that if it is a food that doesn’t serve me, my body will be sure to listen and let me know. Just some deep ass gratitude for the whole thing! Isn’t it beautiful? Jump on board, feel empowered and prepare some amazing meals for yourself and others!
Also, shout out to my Aunt Sandi who has been cooking and eating with love for a long, long time. You’re an inspiration too. I love you gweenielady. And Josie, who lit my food fire in her lime green, dimly lit Taiwanese kitchen. Thank you.
Love & Light Always!